This is simply my first attempt at Singlish Humor. Miserable Failure is the phrase. Partly arose from the very closet “registration only” policy at the Straits Times Interactive.

BBC got so many things to learn from us. British canno take care of own websites wan. We, at Straits Times, know how to oredi. If you are from BBC, listen and learn!

• Straits Times so clever! We never allow random people to see our websites. We got good registration page that pop out every one minute wan. You can never forget, you know. You ppl are so siao leh! You never have registration to view archives also! Even those from 90s smmore! And guess why we so clever? We charge reader for viewing website even for today’s news leh! Cannot be cleverer than that!
• You ppl crazy ah?. How got no advertisements? Those animations are so cute leh! Whole day I admiring those blinking golden squares ah. If I feel stressed ah, I simply stare at “I want to subscribe” button on the front page! Self Hypnosis you know! You got any two-in-one tool like that?
• You give ppl so many options wan. Look at our registration form! Every thing must fill wan! Even have small red “*” next to every field! You cannot get away without filling a form field osso!
• You ppl ah, why so stupid ah? Why put those silly texts to title an image in your website? For the blind?? See! If they canno(t) see, how can visit website? What?? For mobile phone users?? You think, we Singaporeans so stupid? We use phones to only call, not visit hanky panky websites.You ppl waste time wan!
• And you guys ah, headlines, so sad leh! Look at ours: “Hunk was a 100 kg chunk!” How clever and creative!You ppl cannot think only. “Brando pirate novel due in shops” What kind of headline is that? Must have Rhymes in the Headlines! This osso rhymes see?

Learn everyone! We invent a cute acronym for you to learn how lah - like we did for M.I.L.K! And we not cheap u know! We travel first class and canno use toilet without gold taps! Construct all this firs, before we give u lesson!